Crissy Duarte's Pregnancy Diary : First Trimester

5:04 PM

It has been such a ride these passed 4 months! This is not a drill, me and Graham are expecting our first baby Goobin in January! I'm always asked "How did that happen?"

Well, here's how!
(If you're TMI sensitive I'd suggest you just click away or look through the pictures) 

On April 26th 2017 I had an appointment scheduled to have my Mirena IUD removed. (I will discuss my experience with Mirena in another post) The IUD lasts "up to" 5 years. Well, I had been feeling some really harsh side affects from the IUD that made my life very hard! Between the expiration and how I felt, I thought it was the best choice to switch out birth control.

Well, after the removal. Literally within seconds,  I felt AMAZING! I felt like a whole new woman! I was so happy to have that device out of me. Anyway, I'm not going to and my hubby have a very happy, healthy and active bedroom life. So, we didn't waste time jumping back into the sheets. *giggles* You hear so many stories of women who are trying and trying and waiting. I really didn't think I would get pregnant after JUST removing my IUD. So, like two love crazed teens we threw caution in the wind with the "It wont happen to me" mentality.


I learned, very abruptly that you can in fact get pregnant in THREE WEEKS if you aren't preventing. YES! 3 Weeks later:

Why so many pregnancy tests? Well, there is this thing called denial.

How I Found Out: 

It was Mothers Day and my family was having dinner together. I was sweating un
controllably at the restaurant. Seriously, it was unbearable. Sweating like a MAY! My sister jokingly proclaimed, "You're pregnant." To which I snidely responded with, "There's no way! I JUST got my IUD removed." (hahhahahahaha) After we finished dinner and me and Graham decided that we might as well take a test, just so I can prove my sister's teasing wrong. I thought I felt different, but I assumed it was because of the IUD. Welp, we saw two lines! TWO! Literally, nothing prepares you for a positive pregnancy test!

I immediately started bawling, and not of happiness.

(Before you think I'm evil, you haven't heard the whole story)

I felt like a teen mom. I had HOPES and DREAMS! I have ruined my life! How could I be so stupid to get pregnant so young and so fast! What about all the trips I wanted to take? What about the second house I wanted to buy? What about alllll the laundry list of things I swore and promised myself that I would do before I had kids.

All I kept thinking was that it wasn't fair! I knew women who were trying so hard for babies, and have no luck. Yet, here I was....I had ZERO desire to be a mom. I had one moment of carelessness and BAM. Why me?

And not only that! Baby's ruin lives? Don't they! I read that having a baby is worse than unemployment and even the DEATH of a spouse. All I could do was think and try to understand why this had happened to me.

Then, I came to a realization.

You see, there are different kind of women. With different backgrounds. But I'm not here to talk about other women, I'm here to talk about my journey. We have experiences in life that sway our perspectives.

I have never romanticized motherhood. The ultimate reason I have always dreaded motherhood is because of my past. And I've experienced a lot that had influenced me to believe that motherhood was a horrible life sentence. The fact of the matter is: I didn't believe in happy families. And I have so many reasons why I felt this way then.

And I was wrong.

Happy families do exist. And I'm not perfect. My marriage isn't. My house. My cats. Nothing is perfect. But we are without question an extremely happy family! It's ok to not be perfect. But being perfect is not the same as being happy!

And do I think this is the reason women who don't want kids choose not to? Hell no. I don't think every one has, should, needs or even deserves to have kids. But this is why I never wanted them. Your marriage, finances, sex life, body and spirit will only go down the tank if you don't put in the work to make it outstanding. It has NOTHING to do with your maternal status. And yes, kids do take a lot of work. But if you're a miserable irresponsible person before kids, you wont change unless you make the effort. Kids aren't an excuse or a disability.

Having a baby will make me a parent. And I still don't know what that experience has in store for me. But one thing is for certain. Is I know I have fallen in love with my little heartbeat 100 fold.

My husband loves me more, not BECAUSE I'm pregnant. But because he has a new element to love about me. I'm no longer just his lover and friend. But the mother of his unborn child. And I had NO idea how much that would boost my mojo with him. Also, ladies. Getting pregnant will not MAKE a man love you unless he already does in the first place. That's one think I will say so far.

And because everything happens for a reason. My love for my baby was tested and tested hard.

My Miscarriage Scare: 
Once I got over the true root of my fears of motherhood. I was on cloud nine because I had discovered this new found love for my baby and finally having closure on how I felt about motherhood.

I had a normal trip to the restroom, and when I stood up noticed blood in the toilet. And stood up swiftly and noticed blood trickling down my legs. Worst than even my heaviest period. Pants down and all, I tried running to Graham who was sitting in the living room and I tripped and fell in the bathroom. Graham of course showed up to the horror show and helped me get clean. We immediately called the doctor. Who of course couldn't see us because it was after hours.

It was an agonizing few hours. Knowing I had to wait till morning to get answers. Going through what I thought was a miscarriage. The pain of that loss was unbearable. Take the peek of a bad high school break up, multiply it 100 fold and you might have a glimpse of the pain.

I was angry! Why did my heart change, to love something? Only to have it taken away? Because the hardest lessons have the greatest message. My heart goes out to couples and mothers who lose their babies. Yes, you can fall deeply in love with something you've never met. And the pain of losing a future of what could have been and rewinding it over in and over, is a harsh reality.

But when I showed up to my appointment and heard my Baby's heartbeat, I not only felt relief but grateful for the chance of baby to still be a part of my life. Baby was strong and healthy! Brought so much joy to our hours and souls! I left knowing this was what I needed and always wanted in life even though I spent so much time and energy campaigning against it.
As much soul searching as it's taken, I am so thankful for the path I took. I am so glad we waited, traveled, built a home, a life and gone over the hump of issues we have had in the past. I definitely think it's important to develop as a couple before you start having kids! The best advice I was given is to wait to have kids. Boy am I glad I did! 

Am I going to be happy all the time. Is this the "key to happiness." No, I don't think kids are the key to happiness. NOTHING in life can MAKE you happy. But when two happy and awesome people make a baby, it sure will be epic! Happiness is a choice. It can't be based on internal or external factors. So my un-perfect little family will be happy, if we are willing to put in the work and choose to be happy. 

And no, I'm not an expert. I don't know all that I'm talking about. Shiiiit. By next trimester I might have a hormonal episode of blah blah blah. But I think I have such an amazing blessed life that it makes my eyes swell up when I think about how I can be such a difficult defiant woman.. Yet, I have such abundance and harmony. As crazy as I am. I'm trying to figure out what I must be doing right? 

So, I'm not perfect. But these pictures are! 

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  1. This is absolutely amazing. Lovely photos and I am glad you shared your journey with us. Wishing you a safe pregnancy and delivery.


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