Age - 24 Fear and Loathing

9:39 PM

This is probably one of the hardest and most uncomfortable blogposts....ever!
BUT! I can tell you how many times I've received private messages of women telling me that they can totally relate to what I am going/went through.

So, I figure if I can help one woman who is in the SAME place as me in life (at this point) I hope my story will help you! The last year in review I wrote was for age 23. I have to say my age 24 has A LOT to do with it. I had a VERY tumultuous time in late age 23 and 24. So much so to the point where I walked away from my marriage. 

Yes, ME AND GRAHAM separated. Yes, the perfect #couplesgoals C+G separated and wanted NOTHING to do with each other for a very long time. I say this for one very good reason! 

People always tell me they "look up" to me and Graham as a couple. And I NEVER want to put up a front that me and Graham are perfect in anyway. I like to keep it real because I don't like to pretend life is perfect and that we don't all have struggles. And deciding to end my marriage was a very hard thing for me. It was a lot of factors.

For one, personal selfishness. Depression from being a "stay at home wife"...YOU CAN'T CAGE A BIRD. Resentment for RELIGIOUS differences. General 20-something year old...this and that. These are factors that can really weigh in on your marriage.

I had JUST MOVED back from Utah. I remember thinking that my life would feel so full and complete. Boy had I missed Graham more than anything! But, we had both developed a life without each other. We had adapted to living without each-other. It wasn't the fall that killed us, it was the sudden change of direction. It wasn't the distance that broke us, it was finally combining
our lives together and "playing house." I loooooved Utah. I missed it! I LOVED my career.

I went mad being a stay at home wife! THE MOST BORING depressing thing I have ever been! Ohhhh, yes! Look up pinterest recipes all day and eventually run out of shows to watch. Sure, if you so desire to stay home! More power to you, but I am NOT designed to do so.

The decision to leave Graham was hard on me, but I felt like trying to force something that wasn't working out was NOT worth it. I was still so young, I had the world ahead of me. NO use in wasting my years in something that was working but not thriving. Was surviving but not truly living.

But it also showed me how much Graham truly loved me. I never knew any man could possibly love and fight for a woman so much. MY GREATEST advice to you ladies is to be BRUTALLY honest with your man/husband when you are UNHAPPY!!!!!!! If I would have gone about it the WRONG way, I would have ended up losing very good man FOR GOOD. But I was honest and made sure we both were on the same page about choosing to end it.

The hardest part about divorce/potential divorce is the fact that you are still losing a friend. No matter how hard you slice it.


I knew that I would have to find someone that had everything I wanted. I wanted someone kind, caring, loving, smart, and the most wonderful man I could ever come to know. It took a while to realize that I wanted Graham. Even with my WISDOM, because I was an "older"
and smarter girl. I still knew all I wanted was the adorable pizza boy I met when I was 19. And just because society says that you don't know true love when you get married at 21 doesn't mean a DAMN thing.

I know couples that have been married at 19, 47 32. AGE doesn't mean SHIT! (Sorry for my language) Character matters. Honesty matters. Humiliation matters. If the person you are with doesn't doesn't have those values, THAT's why your marriage will fail. It takes work. When you see me and Graham, know that we have WHAT we have because we are willing to open that ugly pandoras box of darkness.

Sure, you can "make it work". BUT NOT ME! If it's not R&B love song, I wanna take you home tonight...kinda love. I don't want it. I don't want to be that couple that is with each-other because it's easy! I want the kind of love that when people look at us, they know how powerful and magnetic we are. We all want love. But we don't want to be humbled or humiliated. Because if we let others see our flaws then we can't play "happy family." Efffff all that! Keep it real. I promise you, next to no one has their life together. ALL relationships have issues. All couples have battles that are yet to come. It's part of life.

In a relationship, you can choose to keep your head in the sand. Mask it with pretty pictures, baby bumps and shiny houses. But are you really and truly SPIRITUALLY connecting with the person you are with. Are you with them because they satisfy your ego? Your bank account? Or do they really fill your soul? Ask yourself that! And if something seems off! CHANGE IT! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

It was a wirl wind. But, I can't stress enough. BE BRUTALLY HONEST! Life is too short to settle for less than you deserve. Life is too short to watch you and your spouse not live up to your relationships potential!

It took a lot of soul searching....but now the world knows us as their favorite goobins!

Life Lessons:

Be brutally honest, when you are unhappy with a situation. Modify your life! Don't avoid making changes in your life because you're afraid of what other people think. When your life gets complicated, its for the best!

What I Wish I Knew Then:
That if a RELIGION/church is tearing you and your relationship apart, it has no business in your life. Also, that it wouldn't be the end of the world. And that I would find the man of my dreams through trials! 

Marina Song:
Fear and Loathing - By Marina and the Diamonds
Why? The title pretty much says it all! 

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