Happy Birthday: Lotus Hearts Club

by - 7:39 PM

Today is the day that I started my blog a few years ago! Why Blog? Why Lotus Hearts Club? and Why do you have so many shoes? Well, here you have it.

 It started with my "Year's in REVIEW" I was finally getting over the massive Hump of what I will refer to my

 (I'll be doing a separate post about that) 

 You see, age 13...23 and (I'm sure 33) Are absolutely transitional ages for people. You finally hit speed with "teenage years" and "adulthood." You begin to think you know ALL there is to know about this phase in life. I mean, at the time it felt like I had just turned 18. Then BAM, I was 23. My lucky number. My great number! WRONG! My quarter life crisis. I had spent 5 years in auto pilot. Chasing my career and chasing who I wanted to "be."

 I forgot that I used to love to wear eccentric colors. I forgot I had people in my life that loved me unconditionally. I forgot how much I loved the Beatles. I forgot the person that made me awesome because I thought she wasn't good enough for this "new life" I was working toward. OH NO!!

Now, before people start giving me the "I told you so" speeches. Let's get one thing straight. If I thought you were stupid or completely ignorant when I was 23, rest assure I think you are even more deep in stupid than I could have comprehended then. Because as you get older, you start to realize that the people you once "looked up to" turn out to be people of poor character or just down right dumb.

The point is, it started with all that. So, one day Graham invited me to a week long business trip he had in SF. I attended and thats when I got my website started.

Well, its a long story but I'll run it down for you.

Two of my favorite albums of all time to me are:

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles
Electra Heart by Marina and The Diamonds

For life and transitional reasons of course.

and What do these two albums have in common? They are both based on a FAKE band/artist created by the actual artist's.

What else do these albums have in common? Electra Hearts birthday is Feb 14th. And the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was "created" in February....just before Valentines Day.

And if that isn't enough. The name of the Electra Heart's concert tour was none other than....


I love this, so much.

I find it amazing, that I used to alway's think bloggers were just sad people that couldn't cope with the crap life they made for themselves. So they create an outlet to reach out to OTHER sad souls who are in the same deep hole as themselves.

And you know what, that's exactly what it is.

Ok, NO! I don't have a crap life. Some people are exceptionally whiney and annoying....but that's not what my blog is really about.

If not for this blog, I never would have had people reach out to me about things they struggled with too. If not for this blog, I never would have found my NICHE! Shoes! I was and always have been a shoe girl! But, it brought me back to old friends. It helped me be brutally honest about fears, fazes and insecurities about myself. I'm not here to show people how much more awesome my life is than everyone else. I'm not some "chosen one" with a fabulous shoe closet.

I'm a regular gal! I have hopes and I have dreams. And it turns out a lot of other people found my dreams and interests awesome too!

I tried to REALLY go back and look within myself to see what makes me, ME.

The truth is, I have always struggled with LOVE! L.O.V.E!

I struggled with loved I lived a parody of what I thought "love" was for many years. Love to me, is a skill.

We have to learn how to love.

And how do we learn how to love. HUMILIATION.

Everyone wants the pretty facebook pictures. Everyone wants the cuddles at night. Everyone wants to have the companionship. Everyone one wants the house and cute kids. But that's not really "love"...

LOVE is painful. Love is absolutely humiliating. Love is surrendering your heart and soul to someone, knowing good well they have the option to destroy you. The sincerest form of love, is the ugly that no one really talks about. Because it's so raw and sacred. It's something only you and the other person can or ever will understand.

I struggled with feeling unloved or unloveable for years. Which brings me to the "lotus" part of "Lotus Hearts Club"

I always used to joke that my "type" were the nerdy guys that looooooooved to play Magic the Gathering.


Guys like that never liked me. And, it hurt. It hurt being asked to prom by a guy ONLY because his friend didn't want to risk being asked by me. It hurt feeling like I would never know what it feels like to truly feel loved by someone. Or that I would have to settle for just anything.



Until I met Graham.

And I remember telling Graham about my Magic the Gathering "fetish" if you will. I remember telling him how no boys could or ever did like back then.

And he said, "It's too bad they had no idea Black Lotus right in front of them."

The Black Lotus...the most desirable and powerful cards.

It was then I realized that we look at rejection as "not being good enough." When in reality it is a two way street. Sometimes people reject us because THEY are simply not good enough. To Graham, I was never a lonely heart. I was a Black Lotus Heart.

And that's why I chose Lotus Hearts Club.

Because I have a crazy shoe obsession. And my shoe obsession isn't the only thing that's crazy. I'm a little crazy too. And that's ok, because there are people out there just...like...me.

You May Also Like


Popular Posts