12 Reasons I Still Don't Want Kids | Letter to Me

by - 3:55 PM

After writing Facebook post and Facebook post, I thought I would write down some of my fears and thoughts on this subject. Being a Mom.

Ahhhh, when I ran off and moved into a tiny appartment with my (now husband) I can recall one thing: Everyone thought I was pregnant. Ohhh, I remember eating gummy bears in bed together giggling to my husband, "But....I hate kids."

I'm writing this down for me, for other women who feel like me and I hope to one day look back at this post-pardom and reflect. You see, my favorite thing to eat is crow. I hope to look back a this and think, "Girl...you were ignorant."

To you ladies that coo and awe over babies. To you women that can't wait to have a smiling bouncing baby in your arms. I simply...can't relate...to you. They don't stay babies forever. I don't see a baby. I see an adult I have to raise that I can potentially screw up and this human will roam the world as an example of my failed attempt to do something out of love and commitment. There are a million ways it could go right or wrong.

Despite having a home, career and "direction" in life here are 10 brutally honest reasons I STILL don't want kids.

1. I love my life.
I get to travel the world, sleep and get to have all the alone time with my spouse. I love it. 
2. I don't know what will happen if bring another party into my relationship.
I swear people focus more on nursery colors than the fact a new person that requires unconditional love and responsibility is coming into your marriage. The though of losing that twosome makes me sad. It's still the ending go something that once was....amazing. 
3. I don't wan't my kids to be "my world"
This generation romanticizes motherhood. Super mommy! Pinterest mommy! I 
MUST BE PERFECT! It's DUMB! I disagree with investing my whole identity into my child. They are their own person, I am me. I am to provide them a healthy environment to learn. What gave me great insight into this was the book, "To raise Happy Kids, Put your marriage FIRST" 
4. I'm afraid I'll never feel sexy again. 
I am not sure of anything, but my husband truly believes I am stunning and beautiful. I'm afraid my husbands eyes won't lust over me the way they do now. I know he'll "love me no matter what." But I want to still feel beautiful, feminine and sexy. Being a mom doesn't negate that. I worry I'll be a just a plain frumpy mom. 
5. I'm afraid of losing my identity. 
This tiny human will call me: "MOM" I just barely got over being called Mrs. 
6. I'm afraid I'll resent them
We always hear how NOOOOOTHING compares to the love you have for your children. But nothing will prepare me for the back talks, tantrums, lost dreams and lost sleep. 
7. I'm afraid they will resent ME for bringing them into this world
Seriously, my future child did not ask to be thrusted into the life of a Star Wars obsessed, Tech nerdy and biracial family. I am forcing this random organism to mature and live in a world they did not ask to partake in with ME! 
8. They are expensive! OHHH MY!
Health insurance, College and Drum Set. The expenses only rise! And if you are lucky, they will move out at age 25. 
9. My life already has "MEANING"
People always tell me I will know "true meaning." While this is true. I feel it is unhealthy to invest total life meaning on an infant that will grow up and move on to start their own life. If you're lucky your "true meaning" will send you a 3 days late Mothers Day card when they become an adult. 
10. It's easy to love them when they are little
Awww, when their little they smell like baby lotion. They need you! Their smiles light up the whole room. It only gets harder as they get older. But one day they will hit adolescents. One day they will have different political, social and religious values than you. They could disappoint you in BIG ways as life goes on. 
11. Love can blind you from how awful they really are
Momma bears! The ones that have no idea how absolutely annoying or mediocre their kid is? The one that asked why her kid is still on the bench! The one that thinks here nails on the chalkboard sounding vocal student daughter is going to be the next Taylor Swift. I want to implode. 
12. I'm afraid I'll love being a mom
I'm afraid I will have spent so much time avoiding something that will be one of the single greatest joys of my life. 

So, Crissy. If you read this one day...holding a baby in one hand and scrolling through this old blog in the other. Please tell me how you feel...Please tell me where I was right and where I was wrong.

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