Wildest Dreams

9:14 AM

Ahhhh, in life we have choices. The hardest part is being genuinely happy with those choices. I think a lot of times people will invest so much time convincing others they are happy they don't stop and evaluate if they actually are.

That is why I made goody-two-shoes. 

Graham had a business trip for training with Hewlett Packard, just some basic stuff for his company. I was actually able to go in this trip! Wooohooo! So I decided I wanted to snazzy up my website. I don't blog to try and make money or try to gain any kind of notoriety. I already make money doing a job I love. I blog because it is my virtual diary. This is my virtual home address. I blog to be transparent about my life and if my house ever burns down, all my pictures and memories are stored on one giant server! Which is awesome! 

We visited a beach we hadn't visited in about 1.5 years. 

It was such a crazy time then, I was living in Utah. Both of our careers were starting to hit the ground running and I finally had a talk with myself and said "Is this the place I wan't to be." To my astonishment I said, "NO." I was an impatient brat. I wanted my career NOW, I wanted everything NOW. It took me a while to realize that I only wanted those things because there are so many people out there that would love to watch me fail and stumble. 

There are people that swear I am this bible thumping conservative, with no identity. Then there are others who think I am a progressive, idealistic, heathen that basically worships the devil. No really, this is the fact of the matter. So which one is it? lol

Do you see how ridiculous that is?

There are times I wanted to throw the towel in. I would think: Screw it! I'll just work at Hooters and get a crappy apartment somewhere and say goodbye to everyone because I can't convince anyone of my worth anyway. I wouldn't trade a bent nickel for my marriage, my future and my morals. You know, all the things I have spent all these years working for. Why bother? Because people will find a way to bring it down, make fun of it or tell me I'm crazy. 

Yup, that is the mentality I let the ramblings of sad uniformed people invoke in me. I had then. Not anymore, because one day I woke up and said:


Because I will NEVER be able convince others that they don't know me. That they don't even know the surface...

And I don't. So, here I am. Now, I don't think twice about the bad things people say. Why? Because it is so generic, predictable and essential for their emotional well being to believe my life sucks. 

So accept it, move on and be happy. 

As me and Graham drove around San Francisco looking at all the Tech industries, took a drive down the beautiful winding roads and finally I just stare in amazement at the beach. Graham tells me all the plans he has for us, our kids and our future. I can't stop but think how sad and depressed my life would be if I ever lived my life according to what others think I deserve and what they think I should be. 

You can give up a lifetime of happiness for ONE stupid decision. Don't let that happen to you. Keep doing your thing.

So for anyone that has ever felt like me, I leave you with this. Shoot, even for the people that don't like me I leave you with this:

Have the courage to be YOU. Have the courage to love whoever you want. Have the courage to shrug it off. At worst others will believe they have defeated you, but you don't live in their reality. You live in YOUR reality. So make it great! 

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